it's been well, close to 2 mths since he went in HTA. i start to learn how to hate sundays. the thought that came into my mind first thing in the morning, is that he's going to leave me again. before he went in, i always thought that i'll get used to him booking in and out. noooooooooooooooo. i din. now i feel that i'll never get used to this. all the way until he pass out. this is when the pain will end.
wait. wait wait wait. hell, noooo. he have to live another 3 mths of booking in and out after POP. blarrdy hell. did i mention how much i hate HTA too? rob me of my baby. sigh.
i hate this. life's screwed.

how i wish u never talk to me that day after service. why?! WHY AGITATE ME THIS WAY?! like my life, my family is not screwed enough? who am i now? ur next victim? victoria, amelia, annalyn, joan, amanda. and now it's my turn? u think i enjoy going to sunday service on my own? u think i enjoy seeing my mom like that? u think i dun wan to help her?
"so wat have u done? like wat?"
"so is it working?"
wat? are u trying to proof that my prayers dun work? trying to tell me that God doesnt hear my prayer?
just when i feel so charged up after service, pumped with faith and hope, u have to come and pour one huge bucket of cold water on me. WHY?!
do u know wat u are? u are a fire extinguisher. u extinguisher my fire for God.